Based on the past experiences, information and data of Mitra Line Counseling Services, the main issues that needed counseling encountered were mainly those that arise from family problems. Therefore, the Than Hsiang Mitra Welfare Centre started organizing Premarital Workshop since the year of 1999. Following the Chinese saying, “Prevention is better then cure” the main objective of the workshop is to have couples to understand the basic foundations of a healthy family and to learn how to maintain one. By these special learning techniques through the workshop, we believe young couples can reduce or even eliminate family problems. In turn, it will help to reduce social problems since family is part of the society.

The latest Premarital Workshop was held on the 19th and 20th of March, 2005. Nine couples enrolled and attended this workshop. The workshop was conducted to allow participants to share experiences which were modulated by experienced facilitators. There were also other course related activities such as sharing information and thoughts with their own partners as well as sharing and discussing in small groups. The workshop had many discussion sessions to bring to light possible grey areas in a marital partnership.

Throughout the Premarital Workshop, specific rules were strictly observed. All facilitators as well as participants were instructed to strictly follow these guidelines. These guidelines included

1. CONFIDENTIALITY
2. ACCEPTING AND RESPECTING EACH OTHER
3. NO CRITICIZING ON OTHER PEOPLE’S OPINION
4. PUNTUALITY

The main areas covered by this Premarital Workshop are:

1. A HEALTHY AND MIGHTY FAMILY

“Rome is not built in one day”, the same goes to forming a healthy and mighty family. It needs both parties the husband and the wife to understand the foundations of a family, and to co-operate with each other using the proper and correct techniques.

2. UNDERSTANDING ONESELF AND THE PARTNER

Husbands and wives may have different opinions and expectations about marriage. Hence, both parties are required to understand themselves and their partners. The most important aspect is to accept the differences between each other and to compromise.

3. FAMILY FINANCIAL PLANNING

The workshop also encourages couples to understand each others view on the value of money. A good sample of family budget planning was also shared to guide couples towards a better future. A free private and confidential consultancy on family budget planning for couple is offered base on an appointment basis after the workshop.

4. CHILD RAISING, HOUSE CHORES AND HOW TO GET ALONG WITH IN-LAWS

Our facilitators with successful marriage life of 31 years, 27 years, 18 years and 3 years respectively gladly shared their experiences on the above topics. We believe that experience sharing can be a guide for couples to work out their own methods of overcoming difficulties which is most suitable to them.

5. GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILL

Communication plays a very important role in human relationships, especially between couples. Learning proper communications skill is a must to avoid unnecessary disputes and interrogations.

6. FAMILY OF ORIGIN MAP

People often repeat their familiar patterns since their growing up times. Therefore, learning to accept and appreciate the past increases their ability to manage a new family life.

7. HANDLING OF DISPUTES AND CONFLICTS

By understanding and respecting the differences between the women’s and men’s intention of communications will avoid a lot of unnecessary disputes between couples. For example, women just need men to listen to their problems but men tend to concentrate on how to solve the problems.

8. KEEPING UP ON INTIMATE TERMS WITH PARTNER

There is a saying, “Easy to fall in love; Hard to get along.” It is easy to form a family by marriage, but to keep up on intimate terms with partners needs both parties to deal with the issues full heartedly..

At the end of the workshop, each participant was required to summit their written feedbacks. From these feedbacks, all the participants acknowledged that they benefited from the workshop. They learned not only from the course content itself but also from the experiences shared by facilitators and other couples.

We encourage all participants to put into practice what they learned from the workshop in their daily life. We also invite them to join the “Couples Support Group” organized by the Than Hsiang Mitra Welfare Centre.

( The input for this article is by Ms. Jenny Ooi )